This article is Part 2 of 3. To read Parts 1 and 3, click the appropriate links below:
- Part 1: From Horror to Hope: Find out how one Foursquare church member started a ministry that has rescued thousands from lives of terror.
- Part 3: Abuse and the Church: What pastors need to know about domestic violence
Stacey Womack, founder and executive director of Abuse Recovery Ministry & Services (ARMS), says she was once just as ignorant of the issues surrounding domestic violence as most people who have not dealt with it directly.
“Before I began [ARMS], I really didn’t give domestic violence and victims of abuse much thought,” said Stacey, who attends a Foursquare church in Portland, Ore. “It wasn’t touching my life, so I thought. But God has heard every cry and seen all the battles that no one wants to believe have taken place. The need is so great. … Simply stated, I care because God cares, and this [ministry] is what He has commissioned me to do.”
With one in four women who seek healthcare from a family doctor reporting that their partners have physically assaulted them within the last year, the problem certainly is widespread. But it’s not always obvious. Friends and family of the victims don’t always pick up on the signs—especially in light of the fact that abusers are often skilled at masking their behavior—and the victims themselves don’t always read the signs correctly, or they explain them away.
So how do you know if you or someone you love is a victim of abuse? ARMS provides an “abuse test” on its website, www.armsonline.org. Included in the extensive checklist along with some of the more apparent signs (such as your partner threatening to kill you) are questions that may peel away the more subtle layers of the domestic abuse façade. They include:
- Does your partner make you feel like you are mostly wrong and he/she is always right?
- Does your partner seem angry and has “no idea of what you are talking about” when you try to discuss an issue?
- Does your partner deter you from relationships with your friends or family?
- Has your partner used the Bible to persuade you to do what he/she wants? Has he/she used Scripture to condemn or control you?
“It is not a one-time event,” Stacey explains. “We’ve probably all been abusive at one point or another. It is a pattern of behaviors.”
Family or friends may not notice abuse is happening, because while some victims exhibit a clear lack of confidence, others take a “grin and bear it” attitude, Stacey says. Victims of abuse are depressed—but don’t always show it. Many victims have health issues. Victims also lose their sense of identity, because the abuser is constantly requiring the victim to change for him or her. The abuser is about winning—not mutuality.
“You can’t look at someone and tell if they are a victim or a perpetrator,” Stacey asserts, adding that she has always been surprised when some churchgoer confides in her about the abuse she has been suffering.
“The stories can come from some of the most respected members in the church,” she continues. “Domestic abuse is an equal opportunity offender, meaning it doesn’t matter what social [status], economic [position], race, religion or denomination someone comes from. Abuse is an international epidemic, and if it were treated like terrorism or the swine flu, the government and people would be using all their resources to work to end it.”
For more information on ARMS, log on to www.armsonline.org. If you are suffering from domestic violence and your abuser uses the same computer you use, visit the site at a public library computer or call ARMS toll free at 866.262.9284.
This article is Part 2 of 3. To read Parts 1 and 3, click the appropriate links below.
- Part 1: From Horror to Hope: Find out how one Foursquare church member started a ministry that has rescued thousands from lives of terror.
- Part 3: Abuse and the Church: What pastors need to know about domestic violence
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By: Bill Shepson, a Foursquare credentialed minister and freelance writer in Los Angeles
