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​“Are you serious? After all I’ve done for you? I’m so done with this!”

Ever been there? Maybe right now? I’ve been there more times than I care to admit. One thing the Lord continues to remind me: “I called you to this. This isn’t about others. This is about your faithfulness to Me, regardless of how things look around you.”

Then, a couple Bible verses flood in and remind me it’s not just my mind playing tricks on me. Philippians 1:6 says: “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” (NKJV). Romans 11:29 states: “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.”

Shortly after my internal tantrum, the Lord reminds me of how important it is for me to lead with my heart and not my drivenness. You know what I mean? I can get consumed with questions: “What were the numbers?” “What was the offering?” “Did anyone leave to go to the church across the street?” I know I’m not the only one who has these thoughts.

This is not the heart of Jesus, for the heart Jesus desires for me to nurture. When my heart gets cold, so does my world and the people I am to love. When I find myself in these moments, Proverbs 4:23 vibrates through my soul: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (NIV).

How did I get here, again? Why am I not over these types of temptations?

I am glad to know I am not alone, but rather in good company with the apostle Paul, who wrote the following in Romans 7:21-25 (NIV):

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

So, I repent and get back to my “good confession in the presence of many witnesses” (1 Tim. 6:12, NKJV) and place my trust where it was supposed to be all along. It is not in numbers, money or controlling people, but in the sufficiency of God, His calling on my life and all the awesome things He has graciously done in and through me through the years.

Being empowered with the heart of Jesus gives me the ability to love people first. Then, all of the other priorities that I need to keep track of stay in proper order and perspective. My heart is nurtured for God and people, knowing I can trust the final results to Him!

Is there someone you know who would love you to pray and encourage them about this?

Prayer Points

  • Pray and repent right now if you are putting the numbers, money and controlling people above leading with the heart of Jesus.
  • Agree with me in prayer that we would nurture the heart of Jesus within us. This is what changes the world.
  • Be encouraged! Jesus is the king of His kingdom, and we get to be a part of it forever!

Share your thoughts. See comments below, and add your own.

is the senior pastor of New Song Community Church (Bismarck Foursquare Church) in Bismarck, N.D.